Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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