I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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