i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
