I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
