just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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