I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
