Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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