Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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