i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
