I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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