I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
