You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
