I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
