I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
