Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
