I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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