He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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