$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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