living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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