new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
