i barfeds in our rink
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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