Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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