I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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