I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
