I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
