i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
