Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
