ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
