garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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