He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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