my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Damn victory sex feels great
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
