If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
