You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
