i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
