margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
