I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The ass gains better be worth it
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