what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
