$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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