happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
