as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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