It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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