this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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