Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
