Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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