Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
