During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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