Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
