dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have aggressive nipples.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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