I heard we made out
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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