i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
