What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
