She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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