If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
