Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
