I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
