just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize