Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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