I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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