Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
