shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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