I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
