so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
