I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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