i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
organizing the empties. That sober.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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