in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize