Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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