I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
