Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
