I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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