you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
