I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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